A few days ago, on my way to a workshop, I heard my father-in-law say: “Ridiculous is something you can’t take back.” He didn’t want to join the activities of the workshop, and that he was explaining why. I don’t have much to say to a man in his 40s — his ideas are his own, and he does what he wants — but I sat with his answer thinking to myself.
Shame is something natural; it settles into our being and seeps into whatever we’re doing. From the moment discomfort and shame set in, everything we do becomes a little messy, a little “wrong”. You can clearly see when someone is uncomfortable with what they’re doing.
And that’s incredible.
It’s amazing, at least to me, who loves watching other people’s emotions. I love seeing discomfort, shame, anger, and love spill out of a person. Seeing these things in such a raw and direct way makes me remember I’m not the only one who feels them. It creates a direct connection, an empathy between me and that person.
Shame is even more special to me. Because it shows we’re not made of steel, there’s still unexplored territory left to discover.
I’m a HUGE believer that life isn’t a question to be answered but an experience to be lived, and even though we obviously won’t like everything, I think we should try to experience as much as possible. Shame (along with fear), my friend, shows you exactly where that limit is. The limit of your comfort zone, of your ego.
That’s why, among many other reasons, a baby doesn’t feel shame. They haven’t yet defined who they are or who they want to be; they do not yet create the ‘limit’ for themselves, and neither do we expect that of them. So when he goes and tries something as basic as walking, and falls, we don’t think anything of him. It’s still learning. Falling is normal.
But when a adult steps out of their comfort zone and does something a little “badly,” they feel ashamed.
Going back to the story, at the end of the day, everyone has their reasons. There’s nothing right or wrong, and there will be days we want to, and days we don’t, but I think it’s always good to question why things are the way they are and where they come from. Often, we ourselves create the things that limit us and stop us from trying something new.
In the end, we’re the ones who decide whether we’ll be a museum of failures or a gallery of attempts.
